you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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