Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
