He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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