if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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