I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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