he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
