shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
