I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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