can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
