The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
