fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
