whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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