I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
