You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
