I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
