Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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