did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
