Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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