Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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