I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
