do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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