i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
