If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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