I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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