Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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