my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
