Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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