you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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