So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
