I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
