her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
