I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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