The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
