Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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