how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
