Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
