Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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