Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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