It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
