Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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