I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sober January is a disaster.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
