His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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