I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
