Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
