living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
