I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
