My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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