I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
