How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
