it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize