If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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