I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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