The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
