My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
