either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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