I'm so fucking centered right now
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
