My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
