hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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