at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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