we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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