My pussy is not your playground.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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