My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
