So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
