So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
