hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
