I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
