Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
