I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
