I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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