I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
