he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She bit a glass in half.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
