it was like his penis was on wheels.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
