Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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