I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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