I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
