How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
