If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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