I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
