I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
