Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
